Starvix's Babysitting Blues
by Project Starvix
Summary: Eggman finally realizes that his machine turns people into babies and gets the bright idea to make Sonic and Co. into his baby henchmen. His plan fails, but not before toddlerizing Shadow the Hedgehog! Sonic eagerly volunteers to watch him. Watching a kid is hard enough, but when the creepy commander of GUN gets his sights on baby Shadow, well, no more Mr. Nice Sonic!
1. Chapter 1

Tloj: Welcome! Again, only thing changed is the spelling errors.

* * *

Author's Chapter Notes:

I do not own the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, or Wal-Mart. I do, however, own Maria the Dark Chao and she cannot be borrowed without my permission.

* * *

After his latest defeat at the hands of Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Ivo Robotnik, a.k.a. Eggman, sat in his secret lair, brooding.

"How can he beat me again and again?" he asked. "My greatest inventions and weapons—destroyed and broken! He always has to break all my stuff!"

Eggman turned to his three greatest creations, Metal Sonic, Robo Knuckles, and Shadow Android, although none of them looked very great right now.

Robo Knuckles had been ripped in half and had multiple holes in his torso where the real Knuckles' fists had ended up. Shadow Android's head was gone courtesy of a point blank shot with an AK-47 wielded by the original Shadow the Hedgehog.

And Metal Sonic, well…there was a flat piece of metal that Eggman assumed used to be part of the robot's left ear lying on the ground, which was all Eggman could salvage after Amy stopped pounding it with her Piko Piko hammer.

"And you three were no help, either," Eggman told them accusingly. "What I need is an edge, or my dreams will never become a reality!"

The mad scientist started looking through all the recordings he'd made while fighting Sonic all through the years. "There must be a weakness, somewhere," he muttered. Something caught his eye and he froze the images.

"What was that?" he asked, going back. It was the recording made by his Eggafier Ray three months earlier. (If you remember, it really had nothing to do with eggs.)

The image on the screen had been captured mere seconds after the ray had gone off while Eggman was flying off.

"Oh, my," Eggman said, grinning malevolently. "It's perfect! Absolute genius!"

On the screen sat a two-year-old cobalt blue hedgehog, looking up at the screen quizzically.

"If I change my enemies into children and then raise them as my evil minions, then no one would be able to stop me! Eggman Land will finally become a reality! Ho ho ho ho ho! Robots, prepare my ship for launch!"

There was an awkward silence since the three robots were pretty much destroyed beyond repair. Although Shadow Android did fall backwards and start short circuiting.

Eggman sighed. "Never mind; I'll prep it myself."

"Hey. Shads, whatcha doin'?"

Shadow the Hedgehog mentally sighed and opened his crimson red eyes, glaring at his happy-go-lucky doppelganger, Sonic, who was grinning like the big dope he was. The Ultimate Lifeform stopped leaning against the cozy tree he'd been dozing under and stretched.

"I was enjoying myself until you came along," Shadow informed Sonic.

"And?" The grin got bigger. "Anything neat happening?"

Shadow stared at Sonic for a long second. "Why are you here?"

Sonic shrugged. "I dunno."

Shadow's eyes widened so slightly that Sonic would never have noticed. Sonic was unable to remember, but a few months ago Eggman had turned him into a toddler, and Shadow had been forced to watch him.

'I dunno' had been Sonic's favorite statement.

"Hey, Shads, you OK?" Sonic's annoying voice broke into his thoughts, and Shadow noticed with annoyance that his blue furred rival was waving his hand in front of Shadow's face. "Helloooooooo?"

"Stop that!" Shadow snapped, pushing Sonic's hand down.

Sonic grinned cheekily at him. "You zoned out on me, Shads," he said.

Shadow rolled his eyes and got up to leave. "Don't call me Shads!" he called to Sonic as he walked off.

Just before he raced off, however, a missile came out of nowhere and completely destroyed the tree he'd been resting on mere moments ago. The impact sent both of the super fast hedgehogs flying in opposite directions.

Sonic moaned slowly and opened his eyes. The blast had thrown a partially demolished tree branch on top of his legs. Sonic looked up and gasped as he saw Dr. Eggman with that bizarre laser Sonic knew he'd tried to kill him with some months ago.

"Ho, ho, ho, ho!" Eggman laughed. "I've got you this time, hedgehog!"

"Don't bet on it, Eggman," Sonic quipped, struggling to get out from under the tree limb.

"I do plan to bet on it," Eggman answered, as his Eggafier Ray powered up. "And I bet I'll get rid of your meddling interference once and for all!"

Sonic finally managed to pull the tree branch off of him and scrambled to his feet. He looked up and gasped again as he realized the Ray had already fired. Barring a miracle, he was toast.

Shadow had been thrown clear of the tree rubble. He moaned and rubbed his head, looking around to determine what had happened.

Shadow's eyes widened as he saw Sonic struggling to get out from under a tree branch off in the distance. Eggman was above him, powering up a giant laser to fry him.

In that instant, Shadow saw a baby Sonic, holding up his hands to be held with a smile, proclaiming Shadow to be his hero. Shadow's heart seemed to stop thumping in his chest and without even realizing it, he started running towards Sonic.

Sonic closed his eyes and prepared for the laser to hit him. He wasn't really sure what being struck by a laser felt like, but he certainly hadn't expected it to feel like being rammed in the side and thrown off to the left.

Sonic yelped in surprise and opened his eyes, realizing that he had, in fact, been rammed in the side by Shadow and pushed out of the laser's way. Shadow was unable to evade the laser himself, however.

"Shadow!" Sonic screamed in horror as a pinkish/white glow enveloped the ebony-black hedgehog.

When the laser stopped, a large crater filled the space where Shadow had been moments earlier.

Sonic growled and started running, spin dashing Eggman's machine and causing warning lights to go off.

"This is a new low, even for you, Eggman!" Sonic shouted, spin dashing the machine again.

"No!" Eggman yelled, jettisoning in that stupid plastic bubble machine. "You've overloaded my machine! But mark my words: This isn't over, hedgehog."

"You'd better hope you never show your ugly mug around here again, Eggman!" Sonic threatened as the bubble flew out of sight. Then the cobalt blue hero turned his attention to the newly created crater, and the unpleasant task of claiming Shadow's remains.

"Oh, man, Shadow," Sonic muttered as he slid into the hole. "Why'd you do that?"

"What?"

Sonic swirled around and his jaw dropped as he came face to face with a small, black, crimson-eyed toddler. "What the…"

The hedgehog crossed his arms and said, "Humph!"

"No way!" Sonic gasped. "Shadow? How did…what did…do you know what this means?!" Sonic waved his arms around and started pacing, his mind a jumble as he blurted out anything that came to it. "Eggman turned you into a baby! And…and you're a cute baby! Do you know how wrong that is?!"

Shadow blinked at him slowly and then yawned. He rubbed his eyes with his little hands. "Go way," he told Sonic rudely. "Want be awone."

Sonic paused for a second. "At least he didn't take away your personality, but still..." Sonic picked up a protesting Shadow, still rambling. "A baby! That is SO wrong on SO MANY conceivable levels!"

"Down!" Shadow snapped, struggling against Sonic's grasp. "Want be AWONE!"

"Hey, cool it, Shads," Sonic scolded him. "I'm trying to help."

Shadow stopped struggling, looking at Sonic in bewilderment. "I no Shads. I Shadow," he said matter-of-factly.

"Geez, chill already, Shads!" Sonic ordered. "I'm going to take you to Tails. He's smart, so he should be able to fix this. A baby! That is so wrong!"

"I NO SHADS!" screamed Shadow as Sonic carted him off to Tails' workshop.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Chapter Notes:

I still do not own anything in this story save the plot.

* * *

Sonic burst into Tails' laboratory, holding a squirming Shadow and screaming, "Tails! Tails, get in here! This is so wrong!"

Tails stumbled into the room, and Sonic wondered why he looked like he'd just woken up.

"What is it, Sonic?" Tails half-muttered, his eyelids drooping.

"What's with you, Tails?" Sonic asked, his predicament momentarily forgotten. "It's way to early in the afternoon to be in bed."

Tails looked at Sonic like he was a nut. "Sonic, it's three in the morning."

Sonic blinked. "Oh, yeah. I was hangin' on the other side of the planet today, wasn't I?" Without pausing for Tails' answer, Sonic continued, "And anyway, I'm not here about your sleeping habits. See, Eggman showed up and he had this laser and Shadow was there and…" Sonic took a big breath and held up Shadow, who was still trying to get down. "Look!"

Tails stared at the toddler for a second, his mouth opened in the shape of a little O. He blinked slowly, then the frazzled, sleep deprived part of his brain that told him what was going on around him finally connected and he smiled, relieved.

"Oh, is that all?" he asked.

"Is that all?" Sonic echoed, his eyes widening. "Shadow is a baby! A two year old, incredibly cute baby! Do you have any idea how wrong that is? Everybody knows that I'm the cute one!"

Tails had to stare for a few more seconds, then he shrugged. "Ok," he finally said. "If you say so, Sonic. But anyway, you really don't have to worry. I have a formula that'll change him back to normal."

Sonic blinked slowly and set Shadow down. The ebony red hedgehog raced off to busy himself by grabbing, losing and/or breaking Tails' stuff.

"Tails?" Sonic asked nervously. "Why do you have a formula that will change Shadow back to normal?"

Tails rubbed the back of his head and shrugged as he walked over to the counter and took down a vile full of a sickly green liquid. "It's a long story," he admitted. "But if we get Shadow to drink this, he'll be right back to normal."

"Drink it?" Sonic asked incredulously. "It's glowing! And it smells like wet gym socks! How are we supposed to get him to drink that?"

"It's surprisingly easy," Tails said. "I've discovered that toddlers will eat or drink just about anything except prune juice."

"O…K?"

"Now, where's Shadow?" Tails asked, looking around.

"Um…" Sonic frowned and glanced around the room. "He couldn't have gone far. He has such short little legs."

"Sonic!" moaned Tails. "We have to find him!"

A short search later, Tails entered the kitchen and shrieked. Shadow was sitting on top of his refrigerator!

The kitsune's cry brought Sonic running. The cobalt blue hedgehog cocked his head at Shadow's current predicament. "How do you suppose he managed to get up there, Tails?" he asked in wonderment.

"Who cares? We need to get him down before he falls and breaks his neck!" Tails shrieked, rushing to the refrigerator while holding his arms out. "Come here, Shadow," he said soothingly. "Come on down and play with Uncle Tails."

Shadow looked down at him disapprovingly. "Humph," he said, sitting farther back and crossing his arms.

"I see Eggman hasn't changed his personality," Tails muttered to himself. "Aw, come on, Shadow. I have a present for you. Something yummy to drink."

"Don't listen to him Shadow," Sonic warned, grinning up at him. "Run while you still have the chance."

"You're not helping," Tails told him. "We need to get him down!"

"Alright, cool your horses," Sonic strolled over to the table, grabbed a chair, and leaned it against the refrigerator. Then he stood on it and grabbed Shadow.

Shadow shrieked and started hitting Sonic's arms. "Down! I no want you! I want be awone! Lemme go!"

"Well, you certainly are a joy to be around," Sonic murmured dryly, carting the struggling toddler off to the living room.

Tails followed the two into the room, where he grabbed a measuring cup and measured out a small percentage of the liquid into it. "Ok, Shadow, drink up," he ordered.

Shadow turned his head away from the liquid, his nose stuck in the air. "No!" he said.

Tails' jaw dropped. "No? What do you mean no? The others loved this stuff!"

Shadow shook his head, wiggling himself further into Sonic's arms. "No." he repeated.

"And why not?" Tails asked, his blood pressure rising to an unhealthy level.

"No," Shadow replied.

"Maybe he thinks it's prune juice?" Sonic suggested. Tails sighed loudly.

"If he won't drink it willingly, then this won't be very much fun." The kitsune sighed. "Because whether he wants to or not, he has to drink that formula."

Sonic closed his eyes in preparation. Then he sat on the floor and wrapped his legs around Shadow's legs, and put one arm across Shadow's arms and chest. He took his free hand and pried Shadow's jaw open with it.

Shadow instantly realized what they were doing and started squalling and squirming, desperately trying to escape his captors.

Tails quickly poured the liquid into his mouth and made sure he had swallowed it. "Ok," he said finally. "You can let go now."

Sonic carefully released the furious toddler, who instantly reared back and kicked Tails in the shin, then ran off.

"So, how long should this formula take, Tails?" Sonic asked.

Rubbing his injured shin, Tails replied, "It works extremely fast. Shadow should be back to normal in a matter of minutes."

Sonic nodded thoughtfully and wandered out of the room. After about a minute, he called, "Hey, Tails?"

"What is it, Sonic?" Tails asked, cleaning up his lab.

"Could you come in here for a minute?"

Tails sighed to himself and walked into the kitchen where Sonic was. "What is it, Sonic?"

Sonic pointed to the top of Tails' refrigerator. Tails followed his friend's finger, then his eyes widened in shock.

"Is it too early for that stuff to work?" Sonic asked.

"No…" Tails whispered in horror. "It should have worked by now."

Shadow the Hedgehog was on top of the refrigerator again. And he was still two years old. The formula wasn't working at all.

"Man," said Sonic. "How does he get up there?"

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it? And better yet, if we don't care, why do we sing about it?


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Chapter Notes:

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Tails was examining some DNA he'd taken from Shadow when he realized his formula wasn't working.

"Uh-oh," He muttered to himself.

"Uh-oh? Please tell me you mean good uh-oh," Sonic said.

Tails briefly stopped working to stare at him. "Since when is uh-oh good?"

Sonic shrugged. "I figured that you'd know, since you are the genius around here and all."

Tails sighed and massaged his forehead. "It's a bad uh-oh, Sonic," he informed the blue hero.

"Aw, well, that stinks," Sonic admitted. It seemed his whole day had stunk to high heaven. The only good thing about it was that they'd gotten Shadow down off the refrigerator and had managed to entertain him with some of Tails' tools. Right now he was sitting off in a corner, using a small hammer to hit the wall.

"See, it's not working right because Shadow's not normal," Tails started to explain to Sonic.

"Tails, although I sort of agree with you, it really isn't very nice to talk about someone like that."

"No, Sonic, I didn't mean it like that!" Tails sighed loudly and turned back to his experiment. "Shadow isn't normal because he was created, remember?"

"By that creepy old guy, right?" Sonic asked, trying to keep up.

"Um, Professor Gerald Robotnik, right," Tails agreed. "See, he made Shadow immortal. The way it works is that Shadow's bimolecular make-up refuses to allow his cells to advance beyond a certain age and…" Tails turned and saw Sonic's lost look and sighed again. "As simply as I can put it, it means that his 'invisible body helpers' don't let him grow older."

Sonic's eyes lit up and he nodded. "Oh, I get it," he said eagerly.

"But when Eggman's machine turned him into a toddler, his whole system went out of whack," Tails continued. "Unless we can find a way to reverse it, which will be extremely difficult, Shadow will stay a baby. Forever."

"Oh, man," Sonic moaned, turning to look at Shadow. The toddler was using the tools like dolls now, playing around with them and talking to himself in 'toddler talk' most of which Sonic couldn't really make out.

"I'll keep looking for a cure. In the meantime, I'll see if Amy can babysit," Tails muttered.

Sonic's ears perked up. "No way, Tails, I'm going to watch him. I mean, it's my fault he's like this, even though it wasn't really my fault, and the least I can do is take care of him now."

Tails wondered briefly if he should try to figure out Sonic's logic, then decided it would be a waste of time. "Sonic," he said, trying to break the news to the cobalt blue hedgehog gently. "I'm not sure if you're the right choice to take care of a toddler for an indefinite period of time."

"Why not?" Sonic asked, frowning.

"Um…well…toddlers, even a toddler of Shadow, really needs to have a stable life and a stable adult. You really won't be able to just run wherever you please anymore. So, as you can see, it would really be better to just let Amy…"

"No, way, lil bro. I can stay in the city for a while, you know. I know you'll have that cure for Shadow soon. And besides, if I really need to get out, I can take Shadow with me. He likes to travel."

"Sonic, you're not listening to me!" Tails said. "You won't be able to do anything you like to do! You'll have to consider Shadow first. You can't just up and leave, you can't go fight Eggman when he attacks without first making sure Shadow is taken care of, you won't even be able to watch a movie with a rating higher than G without first checking to make sure it won't be too intense for him! Taking care of a toddler is a huge responsibility, and to be perfectly honest with you," Tails looked apologetic as he continued, "You're really not the most mature person out there."

"I am too mature!" Sonic said.

"Sonic…no you're not. And you're not the most responsible. Remember Mr. Fishy?"

"Tails, that was three years ago! This is completely different!" Sonic protested.

"Sonic, if you can't keep a fish alive for two hours, how am I supposed to trust you to watch a child? And you're not the best example. Remember our last and only trip to Six Flags?"

"Oh, you just had to bring that up again," Sonic muttered, rolling his eyes.

"You assaulted Daffy Duck!"

"For the last time, it did not assault him! I just gave him an extreme hug! Everybody else was doing it."

"Sonic…the other people hugging Daffy were six. And you knocked him down and practically tore his head off."

"Accident! How was I to know he was so top-heavy? Besides, I thought nobody liked Daffy Duck!"

"Sonic…"

"And besides, you told me not five minutes ago why you had that formula in the first place. You let Shadow watch kids, and he's not exactly Mother Teresa."

"That was for a few days! This could be for months, or years…I might never be able to come up with a formula that will change Shadow back normal! Can you honestly say that you can care for Shadow that long?"

"I can try Tails," Sonic said. He looked at Tails pleadingly. "I can do this. Please trust me on this one."

Tails sighed. "Sonic…"

"I can watch him. I know I can do this." As he pleaded his case, Sonic walked over to Shadow and put his hand on the toddler's shoulder. "Ain't that right, Buddy?"

Shadow glared at him. He looked accusingly at Sonic's hand. Then he bit it.

"OW!" Sonic yelped, yanking his hand away and massaging it. Shadow went back to playing, and Sonic grinned sheepishly. "See?" he said. "We're bonding already."

Tails rubbed his forehead again. "I guess it can't hurt to let you watch him for a couple of days."

Sonic whooped with joy. "Thanks Tails, you're one in a million." Grinning down at Shadow, Sonic told him, "Isn't that great, Buddy? You get to stay with me."

Shadow glared up at him. "I is no buddy!" he said, then continued his game.

"I knew you'd be excited," Sonic told him.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

What happens if the dictionary spells a word wrong?


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Chapter Notes:

Sonic the Hedgehog is (C) the guy who owns Sonic the Hedgehog. Maria the Dark Chao is (C) me.

* * *

Sonic led Shadow to his house in Westopolis. (What, you thought Sonic was a bum who didn't even have his own house? He's a world renowned hero; he has houses in every continent. He just never bothers to actually use any of them except to throw parties.)

"Here we are, Shadow, your new home for an undefined period of time," Sonic said, ushering the toddler into his house.

"Humph!" Shadow exclaimed, struggling against Sonic. Apparently, he wanted to stay outside. And to get as far away from Sonic as possible.

Sonic was in much too good a mood to let a little thing like Shadow hating to spend even so much as a millisecond in his company ruin his day. "I'll give you the grand tour later. Right now, who's hungry?"

Shadow stopped struggling and looked up at Sonic eagerly. "Food?" he asked.

"Yup!" Sonic grinned as Shadow willingly followed him to the kitchen where the toddler watched him gather ingredients for the meal with interest.

"OK, Shadow," Sonic said, "How about some chili dogs?"

To Sonic's amazement, Shadow wrinkled his nose with disgust. "No! I don't want dat."

Sonic stopped preparing the ingredients of his favorite meal, staring at Shadow slack-jawed. "Well, um…what do you want to eat?" Sonic asked, looking back into his fridge. "I have the stuff here to make you anything you want, as long as you want chili dogs," he explained.

"I no want dat!" Shadow snapped. Pointing to the top of Sonic's counter, he added. "I eat dat."

Sonic looked over to where Shadow was pointing and saw that the ebony hedgehog wanted to eat the chocolate cake Amy had baked for Sonic yesterday.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Buddy," Sonic told him. "You're really not supposed to have chocolate cake for lunch. I'm not sure why." He shrugged and grabbed some hot dog buns. "We'll have a slice for desert, though."

"I want eat dat!" Shadow whined. Then, as an afterthought, he added, "Pwease?"

Sonic put his arm to his chin and pretended to think about it. "Hmm, well, it is a special occasion," he said. "After all, it's not every day you get turned into an infant and get to spend the day with Sonic the Hedgehog, after all."

"I have it?" Shadow asked hopefully.

"Aw, why not," Sonic gushed, putting the chili dogs back in the fridge and getting a knife to cut the cake.

"Yea!" Shadow jumped up and down and clapped his hands in undisguised excitement.

"Well, that's a first for you," Sonic chuckled. "You must have really wanted this cake." Putting a huge slice on a plate, he held it out to Shadow and asked, "Now, what do you say?"

"Gimme!" Shadow snapped, grabbing the plate out of Sonic's hand and sitting at the table.

"No, the correct answer is 'thank you'," Sonic corrected, wagging his finger at Shadow. The toddler paid him no mind; he was already shoveling cake into his mouth as fast as he could.

Cutting a slice of cake for himself, Sonic smiled at Shadow and commented to himself, "I really don't see what the big deal is with not eating cake for lunch. After all, what's the worst that could happen?"

Fifteen minutes later…

"SHADOW! GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

Sonic now knew why you shouldn't give a toddler cake for lunch. After his first slice, Shadow had gone back for seconds and thirds. And then he had a smaller slice for desert.

Now, the ebony black hedgehog was so hyped up on sugar that he was running around Sonic's house at his top speed.

And he was on Sonic's ceiling.

"Aw, come on, Shadow, this isn't fun!" Sonic moaned, trying to grab him as Shadow zoomed past him again. "I mean it now, get down!"

Shadow sped up. "I faser dan you! You too old!"

"Old?!" Sonic's ears flattened. "I'll show you who's old, you little squid!"

Sonic turned and walked into the kitchen. He cut himself another slice of cake and started to munch on it. "Two can play at this game," he said, smirking.

Shadow wouldn't know what hit him.

"Thanks for agreeing to come with me, Amy," Tails said as the two turned down the road to Sonic's house. It wasn't that Tails didn't trust Sonic with Shadow, it's just that…OK, Tails didn't trust Sonic with Shadow. Tails admired Sonic, Sonic was good at many things. But Sonic also had no idea of how to deal with a two-year-old. Especially not Shadow. Sonic had always had a knack of getting Shadow's quills riled up, if you catch my drift.

"Oh, it was no problem, Tails," Amy said cheerfully. In her arms were a few bags of things a toddler would need, baby medicine, toys, and a winter coat, just in case Tails wasn't prompt in finding a cure. One could never be too careful. "I wanted to visit Sonic anyway."

Tails smiled knowingly; Amy was always eager for an excuse to go see Sonic. It made it harder for him to dismiss her than it was when she just showed up for no particular reason.

The two walked up Sonic's walkway to his house, and Tails knocked on the door. There was no answer; however he did hear something inside that sounded like a glass jar shattering.

Knowing that could not be a good sound, Tails opened the door and walked in, Amy on his heels. He took a good look around Sonic's house and his jaw dropped.

"What in the name of Chaos Theory happened here?!"

The house looked like a twister had hit it. Anything breakable was lying on the floor in pieces, the kitchen table looked as if someone had taken a buzz saw to it, the living room sofa was upside down in the bathroom and the cushions were missing; the TV set was lying face up and the front had been smashed in.

As Tails surveyed the disaster around him, trying to determine what horrible catastrophe had struck, Amy decided to look up for some reason.

"Tails?" She asked, motioning for him to look.

Tails looked too, and his jaw dropped. "How did scuff marks get on the ceiling?" he asked in wonderment. If he hadn't known better he'd think that someone had been running around up there.

The ceiling fan, which until this point had been hanging up by a scant piece of wire, chose that moment to 'give up the ghost' so to speak, and crashed onto the already destroyed beyond repair TV set.

"Sonic?" Tails called out nervously. "Are…are you in here?"

Sonic walked out of the bedroom, holding an exhausted Shadow in his arms. The ebony furred hedgehog was already falling asleep.

"Shh, guys," Sonic scolded them. "You're interrupting nap time."

"Sonikku, what happened?" asked Amy, looking around.

Sonic blinked at her, then shrugged. "Oh, we played some tag," he explained. "And I won. I guess that showed the mini-faker who was getting old! Ha!"

Tails had no idea what Sonic was talking about, but he sighed and figured that he really didn't wish to know. "Well, we brought you some things for Shadow," Tails said.

"Oh, yes," Amy smiled and handed Sonic the bag. She took a long look at Shadow and sighed dreamily. "He's so cute, Sonic."

"I guess so," Sonic muttered, not really listening.

"I hope our babies are that cute when we're finally married," Amy continued, still off somewhere in la-la land.

Sonic's mind had been on the fact that Shadow drooled in his sleep, and that he now had a trail of baby drool running down his shoulder, so he really hadn't heard a word Amy had said. "Yeah, that'd be nice, Amy."

Amy squealed. "I knew you loved me, Sonic!"

Before Sonic knew what hit him, Amy leaned in close and kissed him right on the lips.

"Amy!" Sonic jerked away as if he'd been struck by lighting and started spitting, trying to get the 'Amy cooties' out of his mouth. "What'd you do that for!?"

Amy wasn't listening, instead she was skipping off dreamily. "I can't believe it," She sighed happily as she waltzed out the door. "Sonic the Hedgehog just kissed me!"

"No I didn't!" Sonic called after her retreating form as she skipped merrily down the road.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Alright! Bring on the tap-dancing flamingoes!


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Chapter Notes:

Alright! First chapter with Maria, who I still own. Another chapter with Sonic characters, which I don't own. Ah, well. Win some, lose some.

* * *

The rest of the day passed without much incident. Although Sonic did discover that Shadow was just as fond of the top of his refrigerator as he was of Tails'. Sonic thought nothing of it, save to renew his vow to discover the toddler managed to get on top of the fridge in the first place.

The only other incident worth noting was when Sonic noticed that Shadow was missing and went looking for him. He found the black furred hedgehog hiding behind Sonic's—semi-demolished yet now in it's proper position—couch, eating the last slice of chocolate cake. His mouth was covered in chocolate frosting, and all in all, he looked adorable when he looked up at Sonic with a 'what do you want?' expression on his face.

Sonic immediately raced off to get his camera.

"Oh, man," the adult hedgehog laughed as he snapped a confused Shadow's picture. "Shads, when Tails' figures out how to make you grow up again, I'm going to be able to blackmail you for life!"

Except to point out that his name was not Shads, the toddler really couldn't have cared less.

Sonic gave Shadow a bath and sent the toddler off to bed.

The next day the two were up bright and early, as Sonic had a big day planned for them both, as well as a surprise that he was certain Shadow would adore.

The day started with a visit to the local fast-food joint, where they each got a plate of pancakes and eggs.

First thing Shadow did was spill his milk all over his seat.

"Uh-oh," the toddler said sheepishly, scooting over so he wouldn't have to sit in the mess.

"Hey, no damage," Sonic assured him, walking over to the napkin dispenser and grabbing a handful. "We'll have it cleaned up in no time!"

While Sonic was bent over and cleaning up Shadow's milk, Shadow grabbed Sonic's own glass of milk and poured it out all over Sonic's head.

"Hey!" Sonic yelled, looking up at Shadow with milk dripping down his nose.

Shadow laughed at him.

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh?" Sonic asked, smirking. He flicked his milk-soaked napkin at Shadow, showering him with flecks of milk.

Shadow squealed and the two started a short-lived milk flicking fight. Sonic even went so far as to buy more milk just so he could drench Shadow with it.

Tails was going into his favorite fast-food restaurant to eat something as he mused over the confusing data he'd gathered from Shadow's DNA, hoping that some food would help him focus.

As he was getting ready to open the door, it opened for him, and two milky-white, sopping wet hedgehogs exited the restaurant. Two hedgehogs who, unfortunately for him, he knew quite well.

"Sonic?" Tails asked, his eyes widening when he saw the state the two were in. "What happened?"

"Chill out Tails, we were just having some fun," Sonic said defensively. Grinning down at Shadow, Sonic asked, "Weren't we, Buddy?"

Shadow nodded. "He make me milky stick!"

"Uh, right," Tails said, although he had no idea what milky stick meant. Although, looking at the two in front of him, he could easily guess. "I suppose you two are going to get cleaned up, huh?"

"Are you kidding?" Sonic asked. "We're late enough as it is! I've got an appointment in the Chao Gardens."

"Why? What's at the Chao Gardens?"

Sonic gave his world-famous smirk, the one he does just before he starts to do something foolish and/or just plain stupid, and answered, "I'm getting Shadow a pet Chao, of course."

Tails scratched his head and—against his better judgment—asked, "Why are you getting Shadow a Chao?"

"Well, I always wanted a pet Chao when I was a kid," explained Sonic. "The way I see it, every kid needs to own a pet Chao. And also a banjo, but we can work on that later."

"Uh…"

"Oops, we're even later than we were before. See ya, Tails!" Sonic grabbed Shadow's hand and the two sped off, leaving a disgruntled and slightly disturbed Tails behind them.

"Welcome to Chao Gardens Enterprises, where we strive to meet all your Chao-related needs," chirped a perky Chao caretaker. "If you're willing to wait, we have plenty of Chao eggs for you, but we also have a selection of adult Chao that can be taken home the day you buy them."

"Hmm, what do you think, Shadow?" Sonic asked, looking down at the toddler. Shadow looked up at him and stuck his tongue out.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Never know when Tails will figure out a way to change you back. Might not have time to hatch and raise a Chao." Sonic said, nodding. Turning to the caretaker, he continued, "We want to see the adult Chao, please."

"Right this way," the caretaker smiled and led them to an area of the Chao gardens that was reserved for adult Chao waiting for someone to come and take them home.

"We mostly have neutral Chao here, because that's what happens when Chao eggs hatch and grow without a person to emulate, but we recently gained two Hero Chao and one Dark Chao, all adults and not currently belonging to anyone. Please take your pick."

Sonic looked around the garden at the many neutral Chao that reminded him of Cream's Chao, Cheese. One of the Hero Chao was sleeping in the corner, and the other was trying to make friends with a very stressed-out and not at all friendly Dark Chao.

"Well, Shadow, it's going to be your pet. You pick whichever one you want," Sonic told him.

Shadow's eyes lit up and he looked around the room eagerly. He saw the one he wanted and grinned. Sonic moaned inwardly as Shadow walked right up to the Dark Chao and picked it up, cuddling it and saying, "Wook! Dis is bew-de-ful! Is Mawia!"

Surprisingly, the Dark Chao consented to be cuddled, probably because Shadow took her out of the Hero Chao's reach.

"Um, Shadow?" Sonic asked, looking at the Dark Chao strangely. It showed him its sharp, pointy teeth and hissed at him. "I don't think that thing qualifies as being 'beautiful.'"

Shadow gave Sonic a defiant glare. "Is bew-de-ful! Is Mawia!"

Sonic sighed loudly. "Alright. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess. And I did say you could have whichever one you wanted. And it doesn't look like it's trying to eat you, so OK, you can have the creepy, pitch-black Chao with purple bat wings on its back. It's no skin off my nose."

Shadow hugged the Dark Chao tighter. "Mawia my bestest fwend," he said happily.

"Good for you. Now, you and uh…Maria…go play while I negotiate the price with the way-too-happy Chao caretaker."

Shadow watched Sonic go over to the caretaker and set his new Chao Maria on the ground. "Now, Mawia, we pway game."

Maria looked up at him and cocked her head. The Hero Chao, sensing that Maria was where she could be played with again, gave a happy squeaking noise and waddled over to her. When he arrived, he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a big hug.

Maria gave a squeal that would give any person within a ten-mile radius goose bumps and practically threw the Hero Chao away, hissing at it like a snake ready to strike.

The Hero Chao, somehow mistaking this movement for a gesture of goodwill, clapped his paws and waddled back over to Maria, where he prepared to repeat his big hug.

He never had the chance, for Shadow was on him in a moment, his eyes blazing with righteous indignation. How dare this stupid little Chao upset his friend!

"Go 'way!" Shadow snapped at him. "Weave Mawia awone!"

The Chao looked up at him with a perplexed look. Shadow took his inaction as a sign that he was unwilling to listen to reason. The toddler reared back and kicked the Hero Chao with all the force his little body could muster.

The Hero Chao was sent flying through the air, squealing with glee as it disappeared over the horizon. Or would have, if the Chao Gardens' weren't inside a large plastic bubble. As it was, he did land on the far side of the bubble with a sickening splat.

Maria was extremely pleased to find that her tormentor was gone and showed her appreciation by cooing happily and hugging the leg Shadow had used to kick the Hero Chao. Shadow's threw out this chest, his eyes gleaming with pleasure as he thought that he had protected his friend Maria from the horrid Hero Chao, who was by this time up and doing a strange dance as he tried to catch the pretty stars that were flying above his head.

Sonic was equally pleased with Shadow and the way he'd handled the Hero Chao, because the caretaker had seen the whole thing and had given Sonic fifty bucks to take Shadow and his desired Dark Chao far away and never let either of them set foot in any Chao Garden ever again. He was so pleased, in fact, that he stopped and got Shadow and Maria ice cream on the way back to his house.

All in all, Sonic considered this to be a very good day.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Shadow is very protective of his friends.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Chapter Notes:

I do not own anything but the plot and Maria the Dark Chao.

* * *

It was lunchtime again and now Sonic had gained enough wisdom to refrain from giving Shadow sugary treats for his meal. He even got Shadow to eat a chili dog, by first handing one to Maria, who by this time Sonic had determined would eat anything she could wrap her mouth around, and convincing the toddler that if his Chao liked it, it couldn't be all bad.

Of course, that logic backfired on him after lunch when Maria decided that aluminum foil would make a suitable desert. Oh, well. Sonic supposed he couldn't win them all, and besides, Shadow hadn't gotten around to swallowing Maria's tasty treat yet. And like he'd determined before; Maria could eat anything and not think a thing of it.

After lunch Sonic decided to take Shadow and Maria to his favorite place to relax: A large field full of wild flowers which was perfect to lie down and watch the clouds in.

The Terrible Two, as Sonic had decided to call them, absolutely loved it, and instantly started a game of tag with each other. Sonic had been a bit concerned when he saw that Maria's way of tagging Shadow was to grab his arms, legs, or tail with her mouth. Luckily, Maria instinctively knew that Shadow was not to be eaten and her teeth never even made so much as an indention on the ebony Hedgehog's skin.

Another thing that made Sonic's day was that he finally discovered how Shadow had gotten atop those refrigerators. Maria had flown to the top of an oak tree in order to evade the black hedgehog, who was currently 'it'. Shadow looked up at her with a smirk and Chaos Controlled right next to her.

Sonic hadn't thought of that. For some reason, he'd thought Shadow's chaos abilities had disappeared when he'd been zapped and turned into a baby.

The whole scene was made even funnier since Shadow could no longer say 'Chaos Control' properly. Sonic wished he had a camera so he could record the toddler proclaim, "Coco Troll!" before he disappeared. That would have been an even better blackmailing opportunity than the chocolate cake pictures.

Sonic made a mental note to keep a camera with him at all times incase Shadow decided to Chaos Control again.

Feeling like joining in the festivities, Sonic jumped up and called, "Better run, Shadow, or I'll tickle you until you turn blue!"

"Nuh-uh!" Shadow told him, obviously not believing his claims. "I no turn bue!"

"Oh, yeah?" Sonic asked in mock seriousness. "How do you think I turned blue?"

Shadow's eyes widened in shock; he hadn't considered that. Not wanting to validate Sonic's claims, he turned and started running, shrieking was Sonic tried to chase him down.

Sonic would have gotten Shadow, too, if it hadn't been for Shadow's meddling Chao. Maria had been watching Sonic chase Shadow around and thought about how Shadow had 'rescued' her from the Hero Chao. And she figured now would be the perfect time to return the favor.

The Dark Chao waited until Sonic chased Shadow right under the tree limb she was perched on and then she jumped off and landed on the blue hedgehog's head, where she promptly started chewing off Sonic's face.

Predictably, Sonic stopped chasing Shadow and turned his attention to more pressing matters, namely, to stop Shadow's demon-possessed pet from eating his nose.

Sonic grabbed Maria with both hands and yanked her off of his face. She hissed at him, presumably a warning to restrain himself from changing Shadow's fur color, and flew over to Shadow, where she hugged him and started to coo.

Shadow smiled happily and hugged her back. "Tank yoo, Mawia. You is my fwend."

"Why that ungrateful little Chao," Sonic grumbled, although he was smiling good-naturedly. "I take her out of that cruddy garden and let her munch on my home, and this is how she repays me?"

Maria looked over at him and hissed again.

"Oh, yeah? Well, the same to you and more of it," Sonic told her. "And watch your mouth! There are children present, you know."

Maria and Shadow paid him no mind; they were already roaming off to explore the area together.

The three stayed at the meadow until the sun started to set, then Sonic gathered up the Terrible Two and told them it was time to go, much to their dismay.

They stopped by Taco Gong and got dinner. Sonic paid for their meals and volunteered to pay for the cashier's dry cleaning, as Maria decided she'd rather eat his shirt than Mexican food.

Then it was off to the house, where Shadow took a bath (Maria ate the soap), brushed his teeth (Maria ate Sonic's toothbrush), and went to bed (Maria ate the buttons off of Sonic's nightgown).

Finally though, the Terrible Two were nestled in bed, where Maria started gnawing on the end of the blanket. Sonic made sure they were cozy and went to turn out the light.

Shadow sat up. "Sonic, tell me a stowy."

Sonic blinked. Last night Shadow had been asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, though that might have been because he was still experiencing a dramatic sugar crash. But even so, the fact remained that Sonic knew no bedtime stories.

But hadn't there been some books in those bags that Amy had brought over?

"Uh…wait here. I'll be right back." Sonic zoomed off and returned with a large book that the title proclaimed to be the 'Biggest Book of Bedtime Stories Ever.' If nothing else, it sounded promising.

Sonic sat on the edge of the bed and opened the book to the first story.

"The Three Little Pigs," Sonic read aloud, his eyebrows raising as he thought of how dumb the title sounded. But, it was a ready-made story, so he continued.

"Once upon a time, there were three little pigs, who…"

Shadow interrupted him. "Wha's name?"

"Names?" Sonic asked, glancing at the page. "Apparently, they aren't important enough to have names," he explained. They certainly weren't mentioned in this book.

"Got have name!" Shadow insisted.

"Well, their names are…" Thinking quickly, Sonic said, "Um, Charmy, Knuckles, and Sonic."

"Wike you!" Shadow squealed in excitement.

Smiling with relief that the toddler bought it, Sonic nodded. "Yeah, how about that. Anyway, the day came when Charmy, Knuckles, and Sonic had to go out into the world to make houses of their own. Charmy Pig walked down the road until he came to a man with a wheelbarrow full of straw."

Frowning at the next line, he read it to himself and improvised a little. "Since Charmy was basically a kid and had no idea how to make a house, he asked, 'Excuse me, Sir, might I borrow some straw to build a house with?' and the man looked down at him and said…" Sonic read the man's line and sighed. "It's not important what he said. It is so many levels of stupid…" he said.

"Wha he said?" Shadow asked, extremely interested.

Sonic wondered what he'd say if a pig walked over to him and asked for some straw, and decided to say that instead. "He said, 'Oh, my goodness! It's a talking pig!' and ran away to farm turkeys," Sonic said matter-of-factly. "So Charmy took the straw and made a house. Meanwhile, the second little pig, Knuckles, who was just plain dumb, grabbed a bunch of twigs and made a house of sticks. But the smart, intelligent, extremely cool little pig, Sonic, made himself a house out of bricks, so the Big Bad Eggman wouldn't be able to knock it down with his lame doomsday device that would no doubt be named after an egg."

Sonic was no longer using the book as a reference. Grinning big, he said, "All went well until one day, the evil Eggman came with his lame doomsday device and pounded on the door to Charmy's straw house.

"'Open up in there!' Eggman yelled. 'I have come to blow you all up with my lame doomsday device that I have named after an egg so I can take over the world! For I am a chump!'

"And Charmy ran out the back door as Eggman's lame doomsday device, a giant paper mache pinwheel, blew his house down. Charmy ran to Knuckles' house, and Eggman soon showed up there, where he repeated his ridiculous demands.

"Since Knuckles wasn't very smart, he attacked the Giant Pinwheel Egg of Doom, and the wind it used blew him away and he flew all the way to Michigan, where he spent the rest of his life eating rocks.

"Meanwhile, Eggman continued onto the awesome pig, Sonic's, house, and Sonic met him outside the door. Seeing the lame doomsday device, Sonic rushed behind it and unplugged it.

"'No!' Eggman yelled. 'You discovered how to beat my lame-o device! I'll be back!' And he tried to escape in that stupid plastic bubble thing.

"But Sonic was so awesome, he…"

Sonic happened to look over to Shadow and Maria and noticed that they were both sound asleep. He smiled and got up to go to his own bed. "Good night, you two." he whispered, turning out the light as he left.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

What's the capitol of North Dakota?


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Chapter Notes:

I still do not own anything save Maria the Dark Chao and the plot. I would like to point out that though Shadow will join the organization in the future, at this point in time Shadow does not work for G.U.N.

* * *

Meanwhile, at G.U.N. headquarters, an insignificant lackey was giving the creepy G.U.N. commander a report on Shadow the Hedgehog.

"Are you sure your intel is accurate?" Asked the creepy G.U.N. commander.

"Sir, yes, sir!" said Insignificant Lackey, saluting smartly, handing him a picture. "Most recent picture of target, sir!"

The creepy G.U.N. commander—know what? I'm gonna call him CGC for short—looked at the picture, his weirdly colored eyes glinting well, creepily.

"Set all troops on full alert," ordered CGC. Insignificant Lackey saluted again and raced off. When he was gone, CGC looked at the picture again, it showed a baby black hedgehog kicking a Hero Chao with a mean look on his face.

"You will not escape me this time, monster," said CGC. "You are mine."

"WAKEY UPPIES, SONIC! SUNNY'S UP! GOTS GET UPPIES!"

Shadow's orders were accentuated with the toddler climbing onto Sonic's bed and throwing all forty-two pounds of his little hedgehog body right into his temporary caretaker's stomach.

Sonic shot up like a bolt, nearly knocking Shadow off the bed. Now, Sonic wasn't really much of a morning person; his brain didn't really wake up until about 12:30 p.m. And right now, all Sonic could think about was the lingering traces of a horrible nightmare he'd been having.

"No, I take it back! I don't want to marry you, Amy!" Sonic shrieked. Then he looked around his bedroom, assured himself mentally that it had only been a horrible, deeply disturbing dream, and forced his tensed up body to relax. Shadow's head suddenly filled his vision.

"Mornin' Shadow," Sonic mumbled, wiping sleep from his eyes.

"Humph," Shadow greeted him, all traces of childlike happiness leaving his features. He crossed his arms and looked at Sonic sternly.

"You gots wakey uppies when Sunny comes up," Shadow told him, as if he was insulted that Sonic didn't remember to follow that oh-so-obvious rule.

"Uh-huh…" Sonic mumbled, his head falling to his chest as he struggled to keep his eyes open. For someone who consistently won fierce battles with extremely powerful beings without a single loss, he was doing a sad job of it.

"Sonic!" Shadow said with a delicious whine in his voice. He pushed Sonic so that the cobalt blue hedgehog fell of his bed with a sickening thud.

"OW!" Sonic yelped, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head. He looked up at his charge ruefully. "What was that for?"

Shadow pointed out the window, where it was a beautiful summer day. "Sunny's up!" Shadow said. "Time get uppies!"

"Look, this is a Saturday morning. That means it's the day for Ultimate Sleeping In," Sonic explained.

"Sunny's up," Shadow insisted.

"Look, Sunny could be out there doing the Tango for all I care! I want to sleep!"

Shadow gave Sonic a withering glare. Seeing that it wasn't changing Sonic's mind about the matter, Shadow switched tactics and decided that maybe Sonic would like a bribe.

"Pwease get uppies, Sonic," Shadow said, his lower lip sticking out in a pout. "Mawia an' me makie you eaties food."

Sonic suddenly found himself wide awake at that tidbit of information. "You…and the Chao…the Chao that only yesterday ate dryer lint…you two made breakfast?"

Shadow nodded eagerly, his eyes showing immense pride in his accomplishment.

Sonic suddenly found himself quite eager to face the day and (hopefully) find a semi-edible meal and perhaps even find that his kitchen area was still attached to the house and not on fire.

Sonic rushed to the kitchen with a proud toddler following him, to see a kitchen that was completely white with flour, and had ketchup squirted on the four walls and Sonic's leftover chili lying spilled out on the ground next to the fridge. Looked like Shadow had tried to pull out the pot and it had been a mite too heavy for little toddler muscles. Sonic felt something land on his neck ordered himself to neither touch it nor look up to see where it had come from. Instead, he looked at the kitchen table where Maria the Chao was pouring something out of a pan and onto a plate.

It seemed that Maria was quite capable of cooking on a stove. Which sort of made sense, considering that Sonic had informed her of the Bachelor's Creed of Cooking only yesterday: If you think of it as setting things on fire and tearing up your kitchen, cooking's fun.

And what does a Dark Chao like more than tearing up stuff and setting fire to things?

Shadow took Sonic's hand and led him, like a sheep to the slaughter, right towards that fatal plate of food. Sonic was already thinking of excuses to get out of eating whatever it was they wanted to feed him…it really looked like scrambled eggs mixed with ketchup, chili, and something that greatly resembled kitty litter.

However, when Sonic looked down to start off his lists of excuses, he saw two happy little creatures—albeit flour covered and accomplices to an attempted murder—looking up at him eagerly, awaiting judgment for the fruits of their labor.

Sonic didn't have the heart to tell them their food looked like crap, smelled worse, and that he had no desire at all to determine whether it tasted like it looked and smelled. Heck, they'd really gone all out to find a creative way to kill him; even if they hadn't planned on offing him intentionally. The least he could do was honor their efforts and at least eat enough to make himself seriously ill.

One bite really ought to do it.

Sonic picked up a fork, filled it with the goopy glop masquerading as food, closed his eyes, said a final prayer, and shoved it in his mouth.

Sonic's eyes widened in surprise as he chewed it slowly and swallowed. He looked down at the two eager faces and nodded. "Well, you two could've beaten the eggshells a little longer," he said, giving some constructive criticism. "But on the whole, it really isn't a bad first try."

Then he stood up, walked slowly to the bathroom, shut and locked the door, and spent the next half hour calling for the great master of porcelain, Ralph.

Sonic figured that they all needed to get out of the house. Partially because Sonic couldn't stand to be cooped up too long, but mostly because Shadow and Maria were wondering if they could be allowed cook lunch.

Sonic was kind of tired of talking to Ralph today; so he decided that the best thing to do was to get Shadow and Maria as far away from cooking implements as possible.

A trip to the playground was obviously in order. After all, he'd never seen a kid yet who didn't like to play at the playground.

However, he'd never seen a child quite like Shadow the Hedgehog.

Shadow hated the park the instant he laid eyes on it. It's only redeeming grace was the sandbox, because not even Shadow was anti-fun enough to be able to resist his childish nature of loving to get completely filthy.

Shadow also liked bubble baths, though. He really was a weird kid, at least in Sonic's opinion. And frankly, Sonic figured his opinion was the only one that mattered.

Sonic had allowed the two to get into the sandbox and had gone to sit on the bench with all the other boring old adults who would sit around and stare at their little brats.

Sonic watched interestedly as two boys waltzed over to Shadow and started talking. One pointed in the general direction of the parking lot, and Shadow followed his finger with his eyes. Then the toddler shook his head and went back to playing in the sandbox.

The boy said something again, and Shadow shook his head again and said something back.

Sonic wasn't sure what was going on, but his toddler-protecting senses where tingling. The cobalt blue hedgehog got off the bench and started jogging towards the sandbox, determined to get to the bottom of things.

Sonic had almost made it there when the second boy kicked sand into Shadow's face. Shadow gave a gut wrenching cry and covered his eyes, whimpering pitifully as the two laughed at him.

Sonic sped up, already imagining some un-heroic ways to take care of the two big bullies, but before he could reach them to dish out his righteous wrath, Maria beat him to it.

Maria gave a bone-chilling battle cry and launched herself at the sand kicker, snarling as she tried very earnestly to rip his body into bloody strips.

The boy screamed in horror and fell to the ground trying to throw the enraged Chao off his body. Maria would have none of it. She was a Chao out for blood—and perhaps some spleen if she could work her way down to it.

Sonic was sorely tempted, sorely tempted, to slow down a bit and allow Maria to teach that punk a lesson. However, his better judgment and the knowledge that he had no money to pay for lawsuits overcame his mean streak and he hurriedly raced over and grabbed Maria off of the boy, who took off like a shot of lightning.

Sonic handed Maria to Shadow, who held onto her tightly, while Sonic turned to the other terrified bully, determined to make him wish he'd let Maria have her way with him, too.

"Now, look here, you little twerp," Sonic snapped at him. "NOBODY messes with my kid!"

Then he grabbed the bully Maria hadn't chastised, dragged him over behind a dumpster, bent him over his knee, and spanked him so hard Sonic was sure he wouldn't sit for a week.

"You'll be sorry!" Threatened the boy. "I'm gonna tell my mom! She's a successful lawyer who'll throw you in jail forever!"

Sonic just sneered at him. "Oh yeah? I'm not afraid of your mom! You go tell her that Silver the Hedgehog thinks her son is a good-for-nothing hooligan and that one day she'll only be able to visit you when your warden says she can! So there!"

As the boy ran off, Sonic called after him, "Remember that name! Silver the Hedgehog!"

Then he sat against the dumpster and wiped his brow. "Whew! The last thing I needed was another lawsuit. I just managed to dismiss the last one!"

Sonic walked back over to Shadow and Maria, the former still rubbing his eyes vainly attempting to get the sand out.

"Don't rub, it'll make it worse," Sonic ordered. "Blink, like this." Sonic demonstrated, and Shadow gave a few half-hearted tries.

"It no work!" Shadow squealed pitifully, going back to rubbing them.

"Wait, don't rub!" Sonic said desperately, trying to think of a way to make Shadow feel better. Maria was already hugging Shadow's kicking leg, cooing soothingly.

"Does it hurt too bad to get uh…an Ice Cream?" asked Sonic, grasping at straws.

Apparently, Sonic was capable of performing miracles, for at the very mention of ice cream, Shadow's eyes instantly stopped hurting, and Shadow looked up eagerly. "Ice cweam?" he asked.

Sonic nodded, happily seizing the opportunity to cheer Shadow up. "Sure thing! I'll be right back, little buddy!"

As Sonic zoomed off, he was unaware that he wasn't the only one 'keeping an eye out' for Shadow the Hedgehog. Hiding behind some bushes was an elite G.U.N. strike force, biding their time until Sonic made a fatal mistake and left Shadow vulnerable. Right now as Sonic sped off to the ice cream vendor was the perfect time to strike.

"What idiot leaves his kid alone in the park?" asked a rookie to nobody in particular.

"Doesn't matter. It makes our job a lot easier not having to deal with Sonic the Hedgehog," said the C.O., reminding everyone that they had a job to do. "Ready men…aim…fire!"

The G.U.N. agents fired tranquilizer darts, hitting both Shadow and Maria, who staggered and passed out.

"Move! Move! Move! Pick up, we need a pick up!" Said the C.O. into his headset as the team rushed out to pick up the target.

Forty seconds later, Sonic was back with three ice cream cones balanced in his hands. He looked over to the sand box and his jaw dropped as he saw some strange men carting a limp Shadow into a helicopter!

"Hey!" Sonic yelled, the ice cream forgotten. "Drop that kid!"

One of the kidnappers looked over at him and said, "The idiot's back…quick, let's get out of here!"

He started up the ladder but didn't get far as Sonic spin dashed him. Sonic got two more, but by that time the others had managed to get Shadow into the copter and it flew off before Sonic could stop them.

"NO!" Sonic yelled, falling to his knees. They'd taken Shadow away. How was he ever supposed to find him now?

One of the kidnapper's he'd spin dashed moaned slightly, causing Sonic to look over and notice an insignia on his jacket.

Leaning over to get a closer look, Sonic read aloud, "Property of G.U.N. If you are wearing this jacket, you'd better be a soldier of G.U.N." Sonic blinked slowly and read it again.

Next to him, Maria the Dark Chao stirred slightly; apparently they'd not cared about Shadow's pet. Sonic picked her up and rubbed her chin. Her eyes opened slightly and the top of her head turned into a question mark.

"Maria, you'll never believe this," Sonic said breathlessly. "Shadow's been kidnapped! By the government!"


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Chapter Notes:

I still don't own Sonic the Hedgehog, Cleveland, or Wal-Mart. I do own Maria the Dark Chao. There's a reference to Sonic Adventure 2 in this chapter, but I don't think there are any big spoilers.

* * *

CGC gave a self-satisfied smirk as two of his insignificant lackeys brought in Shadow the Hedgehog, who was now awake and slightly frightened of this new predicament he found himself in.

Shadow didn't like this place. He didn't like these strange people. He certainly didn't like their Commander. He just wanted to go back to the place he had called home for three days; he wanted Sonic to come and make these bad people go away, just like he had made the bad kids go away. Most of all, Shadow wanted Maria!

"Go 'way!" Shadow yelled in his bravest voice. "Weave me awone!"

CGC walked close to Shadow and bent down so he was making eye contact with the baby Ultimate Life Form.

"My, how the mighty have fallen," said CGC. Had he been a cat, he would have been purring with contentment. However, he was not a cat, he was just a very creepy man who pretty much controlled the whole world. (Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to let Eggman take over…at least he's honest enough to admit that he's a power hungry maniac.)

Shadow looked at the Commander of the Guardian Unit of Nations and somehow, he sensed that the man before him was the very reason he was in this scary place with these scary people.

This man must pay!

The Bad Man leaned in even closer to Shadow and said, barely above a whisper, "I know what you are. You are not a hero. And you are not a child. You are a monster, and that's all you ever will be."

Shadow stuck out his lower lip. "I is no a mosser. Sonic'll get here an' he goin' spankies your bottom, wike meanies at pway park."

CGC gave him a twisted, evil smirk, leaned right into Shadow's ear, and whispered, "Why on earth would Sonic ever want to come and rescue you? You're nothing but trouble."

Shadow's two-year-old heart clenched. Surely Sonic would want to come get him! Didn't he? Weren't they friends?

Didn't Sonic say he would take care of him?

Shadow felt a terrific anger flare up in him. Of course Sonic had told him that! And Sonic was not a liar! This was a stupid man, and he'd show him!

Shadow reared back his famous evil-kicking leg and managed to wallop the creep right in his shin.

"OW!" CGC stumbled back and grabbed his injured shin, giving Shadow a dirty glare. "Why, you little brat!"

"I is no brat!" Shadow spat back with all the venom his two year old body could muster.

The Commander looked over to his nearest lackey. "You! Um…Lt. Whatsitsface…take that brat right to the cryogenics chambers! I intend to make sure it will never see daylight again!"

The Lt. saluted. "Sir, yes, sir." Then he fidgeted nervously.

"Well?" asked CGC. "What are your waiting for?"

Coughing nervously, the Lt. answered, "I thought you might like to know my name is Lloyd, sir!"

"You thought wrong," said CGC, turning and going back to his creepy secret world dictator duties.

"Sir, yes, sir!" said Lloyd agreeably. Then he grabbed the struggling toddler and forced him towards the cryogenics chambers.

"Tell me again why I agreed to help you fix your mistake?"

Sonic looked back to where a frustrated Knuckles was following him to the top secret G.U.N. headquarters. (You say you thought it was Prison Island? No, that's a prison. Duh. Besides, they used that last time so they had to find some new HQ.)

"Because your inner hero can't bear to let a toddler get in harm's way?" Sonic guessed.

Knuckles blinked slowly. "No." he finally replied.

"Oh. Because you like me, then?"

Knuckles didn't even dignify that with a response. He just glared until Sonic figured that must not have been the reason.

Thinking intently, Sonic tried one more time. "Because I offered you a huge bribe?"

Knuckles seemed to consider that. "What would I need with a bribe?"

"How should I know? I'm not the one who sits and stares at rocks all day!"

Knuckles hissed through gritted teeth. "The Master Emerald is not a rock. If it should fall into the wrong hands…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Sonic interrupted, becoming frustrated since this discussion wasn't getting them any closer to finding Shadow. "They wouldn't start singing the Hokey Pokey. You've told me a bazillion times already!"

"And yet you still don't seem to get it," Knuckles muttered to himself. "Do you even know where we're going?"

"Yup! We're heading to G.U.N.'s top secret base," Sonic said proudly. "I discovered its location by reading a report by someone who's been there."

"Wait…" Knuckles' eyes narrowed, and he seemed to be trying to comprehend the impossible. "You can read?"

Sonic looked insulted. "Of course I can read! Just what are you saying, anyway?" He sighed and turned a corner, halting with a big grin as he discovered he'd reached his target. "Ta-da! G.U.N.'s top secret HQ!"

Knuckles pushed Sonic out of the way and got a good look at the place. "You've got to be kidding me," he said incredulously. Sure, he could be gullible, but surely Sonic didn't think he was this stupid! "A Wal-Mart? In Cleveland!?"

Sonic looked back at him, surprised. "What've you got against Cleveland?" he asked.

"What've I—Sonic, you can't tell me that the government organization that controls the entire world is located in a WAL-MART in CLEVELAND, OHIO!"

"Well, duh," Sonic said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Think, Knuxie, where's the last place you'd expect a top secret group that controls the world would be?"

"Cleveland?" Knuckles asked dryly.

Sonic blinked at him again. "What have you got against Cleveland? Some of the best chili dogs in the world are made in Cleveland!"

"Sonic, please don't tell me that you drug me all the way out here to eat chili dogs," Knuckles had a hint of a growl in his voice. Sonic wondered if that was a bad thing. Then he shrugged and forgot that it ever happened.

"Of course not! I drug you all the way out here to save Shadow from the evil shadow government. Uh…" Sonic frowned. "I don't think I meant that to be a pun," he hastily added.

"Right," Sarcasm was oozing out of each letter of the word as Knuckles turned to go. "I'm going back to protect the Master Emerald."

"Wait! I know G.U.N. is in that Wal-Mart! Just like it was in that conspiracy novel!"

In spite of himself, Knuckles stopped and stared at the cobalt blue hedgehog. "Conspiracy—" He frowned, trying to will his brain to comprehend Sonic's logic for his reasoning. Knuckles couldn't possibly fathom why Sonic believed something he read in a conspiracy novel. And they said that Knuckles was gullible…

"Sonic." The tone of Knuckles' voice had changed considerably. It went from I'm-so-mad-at-you-I'm-going-to-beat-your-head-in, to I'm-sorry-little-boy-but-you're-too-old-to-believe -Santa-Claus-is-real in a fraction of a second. "Isn't the term novel a way to say it's not true?"

Sonic smiled knowingly. "That's what they want you to think," he said. "Just go with me on this, 'Kay? If G.U.N.'s not in that Wal-Mart, I'll never, ever ask for your help ever again. And I'll also get on the highest building in Westopolis and yell, 'Knuckles' is the coolest and I'm a chump.'"

Knuckles cocked his head. "You must really think they're in there."

Sonic nodded.

Knuckles sighed and nodded. "Fine. But you'd better be wearing a pink TuTu when you make that announcement."

Sonic grinned. "I don't think there's going to be any announcement, Knuxie, unless you're planning to say, 'Golly-Gee, you were right, Sonic."

Knuckles blinked again. "Golly…Gee?"

"Well, ok, maybe you wouldn't say that in so many words, but…" Sonic shrugged as the two walked into the Wal-Mart.

Knuckles looked around disinterestedly. "Well, this sure looks like a G.U.N. headquarters," he said sarcastically.

Actually, it looked just like a Wal-Mart, but Sonic wasn't fooled by the silly front. It took a lot…well, OK, maybe not a lot, but it took some effort to fool Sonic the Hedgehog. He knew a front for a top secret world organization when he saw it, and…

Gosh, it really did seem like just an ordinary Wal-Mart. Had cashiers, and aisles, and food, and that reminded him, he needed to pick up some stuff for dinner, and…

"Are you satisfied?" Knuckles broke into his line of thought. The Echidna was less than thrilled with the whole situation. "Or would you like to interrogate the little old lady who hands kids smiley stickers at the door?"

"Let's look around some more, just to make sure," Sonic answered. Even if she was a government plant, it still seemed, well, wrong to threaten the little old sticker lady.

"Knuckles, if you were a top secret organization, where would you hide in a Wal-Mart store?" Sonic asked.

"Here's a question: If I was a top secret organization, why would I hide in a Wal-Mart store?" Knuckles countered.

Sonic hmm-ed. "Because no one would think to look for you there. So, you would probably want to hide somewhere that most people wouldn't go…Like behind that 'employees only' door in the back!"

Pleased with his logic, Sonic grabbed Knuckles' wrist and zoomed to the back of the store, halting in front of two large doors labeled 'Employees Only.'

"Sonic, stop it!" Knuckles snapped. "There is no way G.U.N. is hiding in a Wal-Mart store in Cleveland, Ohio!"

"You know, I'm really getting sick of your blatant disrespect for Cleveland," Sonic admonished the Echidna. "Besides, haven't you always wanted to see what was behind the Employees Only door?"

"No." Knuckles replied, but Sonic was already pushing him through the door.

The two looked around their new environment interestedly.

"Oh, look," Knuckles said dryly. "Boxes. Who knew that there would be a storage area behind the employees only door?"

"I sense sarcasm," Sonic said darkly, looking around. "This isn't a good place for sarcasm."

"Sonic, there is no—"

Knuckles never got to tell him what there wasn't, because a small voice interrupted them both.

"Chao, Chao!"

The two whirled to face a Dark Chao with purple wings and sharp teeth doing a little dance.

"Maria?" Sonic gasped. "How'd you get here before us?!"

"Chao! Chao, Chao!"

Maria flew behind some boxes, then flew to Sonic and then flew back.

"Knuckles, Maria wants us to follow her! Come on!" And Sonic was gone, following a stinking Chao.

Knuckles grumbled angrily under his breath, knowing he'd now have to go all over this stupid storage area and drag the hedgehog out by the scruff of his quills.

"Knuckles! Come here, quick!"

Knuckles went in the general direction of Sonic's voice and soon found the hedgehog standing victoriously inside of an elevator.

"Check it, Knuxie, an elevator! Wal-Mart only has ONE floor; why'd they need an elevator?" Sonic didn't wait for an answer; he just continued. "Because there's a TOP SECRET ORGANIZATION HIDING OUT UNDERNEATH IT!"

With that, he yanked Knuckles into the elevator and pushed the down button.

Knuckles sighed loudly. "Sonic, for the last time, the Wal-Mart in Cleveland is not a front for…"

The doors opened at that moment, and Knuckles statement died in his throat. For there, underneath the Wal-Mart in Cleveland, Ohio, was a huge military installation. Knuckles looked at the insignia covering everything around him.

"G.U.N…." he said in disbelief.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Looks like Knuckles is eating a plate of piping hot crow for lunch.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Chapter Notes:

As previously stated (Over and over again) I do not own anything Sonic related. I only own the rights to Maria the Dark Chao.

* * *

"This is Blue Blur calling Redlocks, come in Redlocks, over." Sonic paused for a moment and got no answer. "Redlocks, come in. Over."

Knuckles tapped Sonic on the shoulder. "I'm right here, Sonic," he said. "And anyway, my name is not Redlocks."

Sonic looked at him, annoyed. "What did I tell you when we were in the elevator?"

Knuckles cocked his head. "Something stupid?"

"Noooooo…" Sonic sighed and figured he would have to explain everything again. "Look, we are on a search-and-rescue in hostile enemy territory.

"We're in Cleveland." Knuckles corrected him.

"No, we're UNDER Cleveland. Cleveland is a happy, chili-dog infested wonderland. UNDER Cleveland is enemy territory," Sonic explained. "And when you're in enemy territory, you need to have codenames so that if you're captured and tickle tortured, you can't betray your teammates."

"Tickle tortured?" Knuckles frowned at him.

"Well, duh. It's a horrible method of learning information. Why else would they call it torture?" Sonic asked, as if it was obvious.

"I'm sure you're about to tell me," Knuckles said dryly.

"That's right!" Sonic jabbed his index finger into Knuckles' chest, not paying attention to a word the echidna said. "So for the last time, I'm the Blue Blur, and you're Redlocks. Now remember that!"

"Whatever, Sonic," Knuckles muttered.

"Hey! You forgot the codenames!" Sonic accused.

"You're wrong. I didn't forget them," Knuckles said matter-of-factly. "Now, go find that nuisance so I can get out of here and do important things."

Sonic rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure sitting on your butt all day staring at a big sparkly rock is real important."

"For the last time, the Master Emerald is not a rock!" Knuckles hissed.

That ended the conversation for a while, as the two knew that stealth was necessary if they wanted to accomplish their goal. Although why Sonic believed that zig zagging across the room humming the theme from Mission: Impossible was stealthy was beyond Knuckles' comprehension.

After a while, they came to a bend in the corridor. Knuckles peeked around it cautiously and seethed when he saw a patrol of G.U.N. soldiers and a few patrol robots coming directly towards them. So much for stealth. It was time for a good old-fashioned skull bashing.

Knuckles cracked his namesakes and prepared to take his enemies by surprise, when Sonic tapped his shoulder.

"Relax," Sonic whispered. "What we need is a distraction, not a fistfight."

"They're coming right at us," Knuckles whispered back. "I don't suppose you have an idea, do you, genius?"

"As a matter of fact…" Sonic gave Knuckles his world-famous grin and turned to a bored looking Maria. "Hey, Maria…" Sonic said in a sing-song voice.

The Chao blinked and looked at him.

"Soups on," Sonic continued, using a sweeping gesture to convey to her that she had free reign with the evil jerks who had taken her friend away from her.

Maria's eyes lit up in a way that could only be described as psychotic, and she flew around the bend, mouth already foaming as she shrieked in a manner that would freeze the blood on any living creature in hearing distance.

"What the—"

Those were pitiful last words, Sonic thought to himself, as the sounds of a rabid Chao and screaming, horrified soldiers reached his ears. There was some gunfire, as well, but as the screaming continued, Sonic figured they must either have incredibly poor aim. Or perhaps it was hard to line up a target that was tearing your spleen out; Sonic wasn't sure which.

The two waited until the screaming, shooting, and Chao snarling died away to a surreal silence, then they cautiously looked around the bend to see if the coast is clear.

Knuckles' eyes widened slightly as he realized that the hallway was completely empty. There was no sign of any of the soldiers or robots. It was as if they had never been there in the first place.

Maria flew over to them, burping and Knuckles noticed a small piece of fabric stuck between her teeth.

"Sonic…" Knuckles asked, staring at the Chao worriedly. "She didn't…eat them, did she?"

"Probably," Sonic admitted. "She certainly has no problem eating anything else. Boxes, wood, mailmen, you name it, she's probably eaten it at one point or another."

Knuckles didn't say anything regarding this rather disturbing revelation, however he did keep Sonic between him and Maria at all times from that point on.

Before any of you totally freak out and decide I have to raise the rating, it turned out Maria didn't eat any of the G.U.N. soldiers. The robots, yes. The soldiers, no.

The lead soldier was now with CGC, trying to explain that he was not in regulation uniform because an evil Chao had eaten it. The poor man had his helmet and some heart-covered boxers on, and his 'Mom' tattoo was being showed in its full splendor. Behind him stood the rest of his team, all wearing heart-covered boxers. (Heart-covered boxers are all the rage in G.U.N., don't you see.)

"You're telling me that a CHAO ate your uniforms?" CGC asked, not buying a word of it.

"Y-yes s-s-sir…" stammered the agent.

"What's with the stuttering, agent?" the commander snapped, not tolerating such nonsense.

"W-w-well s-s-sir, it's r-r-really c-c-cold in here," the agent explained. "C-c-could you t-t-turn the h-h-heat up?"

"What, you think I'm made of money? The temperature stays where it is."

"C-c-cheapskate," muttered one of the men in the back.

"What was that, soldier?" asked CGC, extremely peeved.

"N-n-nothing, sir. J-j-just admiring the v-v-view," the lackey said quickly.

CGC nodded. "That's what I thought. Now then, lackey," he turned back to the leader of the boxer squad. "You were saying?"

"It w-w-was a p-p-pitch b-b-black Dark Chao, sir. D-d-didn't even h-h-have irises," the man continued. "W-w-with p-p-purple bat wings."

"A little black Chao scared you all and ate your clothes?" CGC asked disbelievingly. "You're all suspended! Get out! And for Pete's sake man, find something to cover that tattoo! You know they give me the willies!"

"Y-y-yes, sir!" the man saluted and he and his squad shivered off.

"Ingrates. Buffoons. Morons, the lot of 'em," CGC muttered to himself, turning back to his desk. His eyes fell on the most recent picture of Shadow the Hedgehog, and he noticed something he hadn't before. His eyes widened, and he snapped to an underling, "You! Put this up on the monitor!"

The lackey hurried to obey, and soon that really big TV thingy G.U.N. has showed a giant picture of Baby Shadow.

"Aw…he's so cute," muttered a soldier across the room.

CGC glared at him. "You're fired," he said simply.

The soldier gasped. "Fired? From the army?" Then he jumped with joy. "Mabel, baby's coming home!" he yelled, then he raced from the room, shouting and jumping the whole way.

"Bonehead," CGC said. Then he turned his attention to the monitor. "Zoom in on sector 47. Magnify by one hundred," he ordered.

The lackey obeyed, and the once fuzzy background became crisp.

It was a pitch black Dark Chao with purple bat wings.

"Sound the alarm!" CGC ordered. "We've been infiltrated!"

"Huh," said the lackey at the monitor's controls. "How'd they figure out we were in Cleveland?"

The Commander looked at him in astonishment. "What's wrong with Cleveland?" he asked.

"Look, Knuckles! There's the freezy room!" Sonic said, pointing at their objective.

"Cryogenics room," Knuckles corrected.

"What's the difference?" Sonic asked as the two opened the door and walked in. They gasped as they saw rows upon rows of pods. "Look at all the Shadows!" Sonic cried.

Knuckles smacked him across the back of his head. "They're not all Shadow, moron," he snapped.

"Oh. I knew that," Sonic admitted sheepishly. "But which one is our Shadow? You'd think they'd label it, or something."

"They did label it, Sonic," Knuckles said. "I thought you said you could read!"

"I can read!" Sonic insisted. "How else could I have read that conspiracy novel?"

"Just…start looking, ok?" Knuckles moaned.

"Ok," Sonic agreed, starting his search. What made it even more annoying was that he had to read the name of every pod aloud, as if to prove that he could, in fact, read. "Bigfoot. Abominable Snowman. Hey! I found Elvis!"

"Sonic," Knuckles warned in his you'd-better-shut-up-or-else voice.

"Sorry," Sonic said, and the two continued looking around in silence.

"I found him," Knuckles called eventually. Sonic raced to the echidna as the guardian hit the thaw button. The pod hissed and open, air steaming out, and Shadow fell out of it and into an awaiting Sonic's arms.

Shadow's eyes opened slowly. "Sonic?" he whispered, grabbing the blue blur's arm to prove to himself that Sonic was really there.

"Hey, buddy," Sonic said soothingly. "Are you ok?"

Shadow shivered and snuggled closer to Sonic. "Cold, cold, cold," he whimpered. "You is warm."

A familiar cooing sound fell on Shadow's ears, and he looked up, his small face lighting up with a big smile. "Mawia! You is comey to mes!" he cried, as Maria landed on him and hugged him tight.

"Ready to go home, Shadow?" Sonic asked.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible, hedgehog."

Sonic stiffened and everyone turned to see CGC standing between them and the doorway, blocking the exit. "That thing is not going anywhere," the commander said. "And neither are you."

Shadow pointed at the commander and said haughtily, "I told you! I told you, Sonic is comey to mes, an' now he goin' spankies you butt!"

"That is a very good idea, Shadow," Sonic said approvingly. "Knuckles, hold that guy down!"

CGC backed up nervously as the two adults walked towards him. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"We're just going to teach you some manners," Sonic explained. "Grab him!"

Knuckles jumped up and glided to the commander, forcing the evil guy to the ground and holding him so he couldn't get away. CGC's butt was sticking enticingly in the air.

"Now, remember," Sonic said gravely. "This is gonna hurt you way more than it's gonna hurt me."

Then Sonic reared back and spanked the G.U.N. commander for three solid minutes.

This task done, Sonic took Shadow's hand and the rescue party left the base.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

About time. If you ask me, a good spanking was LONG overdue for that creep.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Chapter Notes:

I still do not own anything but the plot and Maria the Dark Chao. Hey, who invented the Macarena, anyway?

* * *

Knuckles bid them a hasty good-bye once they left the Wal-Mart parking lot and raced off to stare at his sparkly rock—err, guard his Master Emerald.

Shadow had been extremely quiet, even for Shadow, ever since he left the G.U.N. base. He was holding onto Maria like his life depended on it with his left hand, and his right hand was trying to squeeze the life out of Sonic's hand, as if he were afraid they would both disappear if he let go even for a nanosecond.

They walked in an awkward silence for a few seconds, then Sonic broke it by saying, "You know, Shadow, I still owe you that ice cream. What say we go get it now?"

Shadow mutely shook his head, his eyes watching his feet.

"You sure?" Sonic asked, concerned. To date, Shadow had not once passed up an opportunity to appease his sweet tooth.

Shadow nodded. He paused, then said quietly. "I no wike it. Cold." he looked up at Sonic again, and raised his arms, wishing to be held. "I want you, Sonic!" he cried.

Sonic was, for the first time in his life, at a loss for words. He quickly picked the toddler up in his arms. Shadow instantly wrapped his arms around Sonic's neck, burying his head in Sonic's shoulder and sniffling.

"Hey, it's OK, Buddy," Sonic said soothingly. "I'd never let those guys hurt you."

Shadow sniffed. "Nots dat, Sonic," he said.

"What's wrong then?" Sonic asked, genuinely worried.

Shadow looked up at Sonic in pure, heart-wrenching sadness and said, "Ice cweam cold. I no wike cold. What goin' do?"

"Wait, that's all?" Sonic couldn't believe his ears. "You're upset because you don't want to eat anything cold, so you don't want an Ice cream cone?"

Shadow nodded gravely, his eyes big. "But want snackies, too," he said, further explaining his baffling dilemma.

Relieved that Shadow's greatest concern was with snack food, not post-traumatic shock, Sonic played along. "That is hard. Hmm…" Sonic pretended to think for a second, then suggested, "Why don't we get Hot Chocolate instead?"

"Hot chock-wit?" Shadow asked, the thought having never entered his mind.

Sonic nodded sagely. "With marshmallows," he added.

Shadow's entire face lit up, relief flooding his features now that his problem had an answer. "Yes! Dat's perfect! I get down now," he wiggled out of Sonic's grasp and started skipping, for Shadow's world was at peace once again.

"You are a weird kid," Sonic told him matter-of-factly.

It was now three a.m. The hot chocolate had been drunk, they had returned home, and they'd all been asleep for about five hours now.

Sonic awoke groggily to someone pounding on his door. He stumbled out of bed, groped around to turn on his lamp, dropped and broke his lamp, and finally stumbled to the light switch on the wall.

The sudden burst of light was painful, and Sonic blinked rapidly to adjust to it. Then he yawned and walked to the door, trying to wake himself up better before greeting his midnight caller.

Sonic opened his door and sleepily greeted Tails, who burst into the room in a coffee-fuelled frenzy.

"Sonic! Guess what? I might have a cure for Shadow!"

Sonic, who as we established, does not function properly when half-asleep, didn't realize what Tails had said until he'd said it and spouted off a ton of technical analyses that Sonic wouldn't have understood if he was fully awake.

The basic gist of it was, there was a chance they could change Shadow back, but it was risky.

"Wait, wait, wait, are you saying this could hurt Shadow?" Sonic finally interrupted the kitsune, still trying to figure out what the heck his friend was telling him. "Then forget it Tails—find something else!"

"No, no, Sonic, you're not listening to me," Tails said, still a touch hyper. "It won't hurt him at all. See, it's a machine that stimulates the basic cell structure, systematically restarting his growth hormones. If it works, he'll go back to his correct age and then stop aging. But there's a chance that his body will refuse to age at all," Tails explained. "It's fifty-fifty, but we won't get another chance at it. It has to work the first time, or it won't work at all."

"But there's no chance it could hurt him, right?" Sonic asked for clarification.

"Nope. The worst Shadow will feel will be a slight ticklish sensation," Tails explained.

Sonic nodded. "Then let's do it."

Shadow wasn't sure what was going on. Sonic had awoken him before Sunny came up and told him to come with him to see Tails. Shadow was still sleepy, but Sonic told him that he had to go now.

Now that they were at Tails' house, the fox wanted him to get into a big scary machine that was like the one the bad people had put him in!

And this time, Sonic wasn't trying to stop it.

Shadow was scared. Perhaps Sonic didn't want to be with him anymore? He wanted Shadow to go away? But…but why did Sonic save him, just send him away? It made no sense!

Shadow looked up at Sonic with tears in his eyes. "You no wike me no more, Sonic?" he asked.

Sonic's eyes widened considerably and he knelt down so he could look in Shadow's eyes. "Of course I like you, Shadow!" he protested.

"Den why you no want be with me?" Shadow whimpered, throwing his arms around Sonic's neck. "I want be with you!"

"Aw, I want you to stick around, too," Sonic said, returning the hug. "I'm not trying to send you away. That…uh…thingy…is going to make you feel lots better. Honest."

Shadow looked up at Sonic with tears in his eyes. "Weally?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

Shadow shook his head no. He wrapped his arms around Sonic a little tighter and whispered, "But I still am be you Buddy, wight?"

"You betcha!" Sonic said, grinning. "You and me, we're Buddies for life!"

Shadow smiled and let go of Sonic, stepping into Tails' machine. Tails shut the door and turned it on. After about a half an hour, it died down and Tails nervously opened the door.

A full-grown Shadow stumbled out of the machine, a confused look on his face. "What…happened?" he asked.

"Eggman sort of turned you into a toddler," Tails explained.

Shadow looked at him, then frowned. "Humph," he said simply, turning to go.

"Hey, uh, Shadow, wait a sec."

Shadow turned with annoyance to Sonic. "What?" he asked coldly.

Sonic seemed to consider his next words. "Well…I was kinda wondering if you still wanted your pet," he said.

"My… pet?"

"Yeah, I got you a pet Chao!" Sonic said, perking up. "You picked her out yourself, and named her, and everything."

"I see." Shadow crossed his arms. "Well?"

Sonic rubbed the back of his head nervously, wondering if calling the Chao was such a good idea, then he shrugged and decided to go for it. "Maria! Here, Maria!"

The Chao flew into the room, the edge of one of Tails' science beakers hanging out of her mouth. She squealed with delight and ran up to a startled Shadow, hugging his kicking leg.

Shadow scowled at her. "Maria?" he asked, his voice showing no emotion whatsoever.

Sonic gulped. "Yeah. You said she was Maria and that she was beautiful."

"Humph." Shadow lifted the Chao, who was cooing with delight. The ebony hedgehog's eyes might have softened slightly, but it was hard to tell.

"I was thinking you could just keep her, since you're the only person she doesn't try to tear apart and all," Sonic continued.

Shadow sighed heavily. "Perhaps," he conceded. "I suppose I should thank you…"

"No problemo, Shads," Sonic said, grinning. "What are buddies for?"

A ghost of a smile appeared across Shadow's muzzle, disappearing as swiftly as Sonic could run. "Don't call me Shads," he warned.

Sonic's ears seemed to droop. "Right. OK."

As Shadow walked past him, he said, barely above a whisper, "Thank you, Buddy."

Sonic beamed at the back of the retreating hedgehog's head. Then he whooped with joy and sped off in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, in another part of town…

"Open up in there!"

Silver the Hedgehog woke, wondering who in their right minds would be knocking on his door at four in the morning. The physic hedgehog went to his front door and opened it, revealing a ton of police officers.

"What in the…"

One of the officer's grabbed his arms and yanked them behind him. "You sir, are under arrest."

"On what charge?" Silver demanded to know.

"Child abuse. You're in a lot of trouble mister. That kid's mom is the best attorney in the state."

"Child—what are you talking about?! I don't even know any children!"

"Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, mister," said the bored police officer.

The officers dragged the still-protesting Silver off into the night.

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

Thought I'd forgotten about that stunt Sonic pulled in the park, huh? 'Tis dark days, friends. Dark indeed, at least for Silver.

* * *

Tloj: There we go. Tomorrow, I will post "Happy Creation Day, Metal Sonic!" and McMetal. Until then, Bye!


End file.
